January 17, 2018

So I have been wondering this last year about narcissists and who they target.  I got a partial answer from James Hollis' book - Finding meaning in the Second Half of Life.  "No good deed goes unpunished."

What this answers for me is that the Narcissist cannot stand competition so finds a way to minimize what is perceived to be someone else getting their share of praise or attention.  This takes us back to the zero sum game.  There are only 100 units of praise.  "If you get thirty, that's thirty I can never have.  Let me erase you and get your thirty."

Enough of that for now.  On to another thought -

A friend of mine from high school, Ernie, is a cowboy in Colorado.  He posted a list of things I wish I had learned earlier.  His first one is one my mother told me many times in life.  Especially when I was counselling, unpaid, my caseload of friends.  "Unasked for advice is seldom heeded."  My mother's version was - "unasked for advice ALWAYS fails."

Another truism I have learned is that arguing over who is right is nearly always wrong.  You can be right or happy.  Pick one only.

Another thought -

I spent some time of my life needing to be seen.  All of us in life have our issues about not being seen in the way we needed when we were children.  The truth is that no parent can meet all the needs of  their kids, no matter how many or how few they have.  As we grow up, we are under the mistaken belief that we can meet someone outside ourselves to give us what we have been searching for.  Here's another truth.  No human, parent, friend or partner can fill our cup.  It is up to us.  It is an inside job, not and outside one.  In my life I spent a lot of time looking to food, shopping, school achievements, racquetball, relationships, etc. to fill that emptiness.  What I am learning is that introspection, breath and movement are helping me to be enough.  To feel calm, purposeful and still.  That if I can find a way to tune in to who and what I am as a human, I have a better chance of becoming a human being instead of a "human doing." 

These are just a few of my random thoughts on a random day.  Be well.